An Unhappy Birthday recap:
What! We didn’t begin this week’s episode of How to Make It in America at a party or post-party? OMG! Instead we find Ben sitting out a tai chi session with Gingy giving us one of the best screenshots ever.
Smokin’ … or as Kappo would say, “Totally fucking epic!!!!!!!!!!!”
Now here’s how to make it in America:
– do wake your girlfriend up with Jeremih’s Birthday Sex on her birthday
– do wear denim shorts to work on your birthday … with tights of course
– ladies, do not tell your girlfriend she’s getting closer to death on her birthday; it’s depressing, even coming from a stiletto stoner
– if you want to know what’s in a Manhattan, ask Cam, not his Corbin Bleu look-alike bartender replacement
– don’t ask a preteen boy about his older brother’s girlfriend habits if you don’t want to hear about masturbation
– do use phrases like “the bees knees” when referring to your Auntie’s turkey meatloaf
– get friends who work at Barneys if you need a black tie or want to look like Black Bond; actually just get friends who work at Barneys if you need anything
– café con leche + money in the pocket = the good life
– “Damn, she’s aging fast” is exactly what you say to your boy when it’s his ex-girlfriend’s birthday and he’s “half-stressed, half-homie.”
– “You’re very Nylon Guys.” is exactly what you say to the guy who uses pickup lines like “I was just wondering, what’s your favorite charity?”
– guys like Kappo just need to know the right people who know the right people; apply to your own life
The partyless opening was redeemed by show’s end with two parties, post-party events and our boys returning back to the party in a white Bentley to the sounds of Teddy Pendergrass.
Now here’s how a nerdy rich guy can make it in America:
When a girl turns you down because of your wealth, just say, “Don’t hate me cause I’m rich. I won’t hate you cause you’re beautiful. We could roll together. We could be the most hated couple up in here.” That’s how you turn the “There’s nothing nice about me” girl into the “You funny” girl. She’ll be so smitten she won’t even use verbs.
“Totally fucking epic!!!!!!!!!!!”
(photos from Facebook)
